Tenpasenta Church
of England.
Self Storage
   
 
ABOUT US WEDDINGS MATERNITY KIDS CLUB OVER50PLAN RETIREMENT
GERIATRIC DEATH REMEMBRANCE GIFT SHOP ROYAL VISIT HUMANITARIAN
FUNDRAISING GOLD4CHURCH SELF STORAGE HISTORY ESTATE VACANCIES
 
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SELF STORAGE STORY

Tenpasenta
Southampton self storage
Tenpasenta Self Storage Southampton: Founded in 1964 by the Rev. Desmond Collyer of the Tenpasenta Church.
Why choose a Church-owned storage unit? No good reason to be honest, but other modern Churches also recommend storage as a way of storing up several months worth of supplies, so why not. We feel this storage idea to be great if you believe in that religious nonsense, or are one of those prepper survivalist types. But why just store a few months grub like them when you can store all of your space-wasting belongings that are taking up valuable space in your gaff.
We let parishioners bring any of their property to our storage, and then charge them for the privilege of letting us look after it.
Welcome to Great Britain's first-ever Self Storage facility, the best local storage (in the Southampton area) for old crap or stolen goods.
Quality storage units at the right price.
tenpasenta self storage
Self storage units next to our mortuary Southampton self storage location
     
This site is not suitable for churchy types
 

A LESSON FROM OUR OWN HISTORY

Tenpasenta
Langley Collyer THE COLLYER BROTHERS Homer Collyer
People have been hoarding their old junk for years, two such examples are world-renowned hoarders the Collyer Brothers of New York. Langley and Homer Collyer lived in their accumulated mess for over 40 years, imagine how improved their lives would have been if there had Tenpasenta Storage back in the 1940's. Unknown to these two bellends they were related to Tenpasenta founder Jesse Collyer and lived only a mile away from one of our churches, they could have stored their old crap there with a family discount, one thing for sure is they'd have found Langley's rotting corpse a tad sooner.
Collyer brothers dead Collyer brothers in newspaper Collyer brothers house, external view
collyer brother house
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COLLYER SYNDROME

Tenpasenta
Hoarders are known by many of the uneducated as "Messy lazy bastards", but hoarding is, in fact, a psychological condition.
Some call it Collyer syndrome, named after the Collyer brothers noted above, it is difficult even for normal people to understand the concept of hoarding, but here at the Tenpasenta Church our broad-minded attitude to psychological problems we have confirmed that they are in fact a bunch of tight-fisted messy lazy bastards, they could store their crap with us instead but are obviously to tight to splash out a few quid.
Carers and families of hoarders are asked to promote the tidying of these scruffy homes and get the patient store all their junk with us, we pay 10% commission on all leads!
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Collyer syndrome Collyer syndrome Collyer syndrome Collyer syndrome
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Tenpasenta Church
   
 
STORAGE FOR ANYTHING YOU LIKE
Tenpasenta
Whether you are looking to store a few small valuable items for a short period (until after the bailiff has called for example), or a lot of larger items that cannot be sold until you or an elderly relative has passed away, our storage units are for you.
We are very conveniently located for those living in Southampton and a lot less conveniently located from any other part of the UK.Tenpasenta storage We have over 500 units with many of them still available because they are admittedly a bit overpriced yet great value, you go figure that one.
We do not rent our units to illegal immigrants as housing, however, British passport holders are welcome to move in if they were to become homeless, standard rates apply.
self storage sizes
ASS memberThe Tenpasenta Church self-storage centre is the largest Church operated storage facility in the free world.
The illustration above is for guidance only as we don't know and can't be bothered to work out how to do square feet, let alone metres, in fact, we rarely go out the back to have a look, it's a bit dingy, to be honest, we only got into this game for the opportunity to earn a fortune with no effort whatsoever.
rightWe can also provide luxury storage areas with views over the southern graveyard, our wealthier clients demand to be kept apart from the plebs, and we're more than happy to rake in a few quid extra (see the picture on the right).
Luxury Storage
Southampton hearse Free storage quote
BIG STORAGE SPACE
Tenpasenta
storage units Price Guarantee Sitting on boxes
If you can find lower priced storage anywhere else in the UK, we guarantee you're not the first.
Fat Pete our security man (before death) Tenpasenta storageAll of our storage units can be easily accessed by car or small van in the same fashion as a multi-storey car park. For professional advice on how to get your unit filled to its maximum capacity, we recommend a visit to your local Lidl store, now there's a lesson in piling crap sky high.
We do not recommend storing pets for the long term as we will not be held responsible for their care or death.
We have a wide variety of storage boxes available in cardboard or wood, the best way to keep your unit organised and tidy.
If you find yourself locked out of your unit contact site manager Fat Pete.
     
If you're giving, we're taking
 
SECURE PREMISES
Tenpasenta
anti-climb paint Once you have dumped your belongings at Tenpasenta storage you can be secure in the knowledge that it's secure with us.
Our automated entrance gates are open 24 hours a day, handy for those dodgy types who need to stash things away in the early hours.
Perimeters are safeguarded from local youths with anti-climb paint, this specialist paint will piss off builders and Tenpasenta storagesite maintenance men for years to come.
Security camera view
Our security team will look after your belongings better than you could yourself, all of our units are kept to an optimal temperature controlled by their air-conditioning and dust removing systems, very similar to those fitted as standard in a bulk mortuary facility, in fact just like the bulk mortuary next door.
Each unit is also insulated against external fires, so if your stuff was to go up in flames from within it will not spread to the belongings of our more careful customers.
The storage building is under 24-hour camera surveillance. The cameras are integrated into the main Tenpasenta estate security system, at the press of a button any part of the site can be locked down, this includes activating the electrification of all perimeter fences and doorknobs, however, to keep Tenpasenta storage within current EU legislation this will not kill the thieving individual involved, but it will seriously rearrange their hairstyle making them easy to spot prior to apprehension by the police.
Security centre
Security camera view Security camera view Security camera view
Security camera view Security camera view Security camera view
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GOLD4CHURCH
ABOUT US WEDDINGS MATERNITY KIDS CLUB OVER50PLAN RETIREMENT
GERIATRIC DEATH REMEMBRANCE GIFT SHOP ROYAL VISIT HUMANITARIAN
FUNDRAISING GOLD4CHURCH SELF STORAGE HISTORY ESTATE VACANCIES
HISTORY
   
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  Copyright M. Collyer
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