We have changed our life long subscription to reflect the hardship we hear many are feeling during this financial period, therefore from midnight on 22nd April 2009, Mark the vicar has declared that a one-off payment of only £5500 and not £6000 will be accepted from anybody of ANY age who can prove that they are impoverished is all that will be required for a life long afterlife subscription!
Plus all low-income earners over 106 years old will get a FREE membership! That's right, a guaranteed afterlife for nowt, even we can't believe it. We've received three emails from the ultra old who have made it their priority to reach 106 and save a few quid, we wish them luck! Some younger cancer victims may feel this offer to be a little unfair, tough titty, they should just buy our £6000 deal as soon as diagnosed.
There has never been a better time to join and guarantee yourself the afterlife you do or don't deserve.
Every life subscription not only includes an exciting gift (illustration right) but also free entry into the Tenpasenta church estate in Southampton, our usual charge is ££5 per entry meaning the more you visit the more you can save! One visitor got stuck in the revolving gate and she saved thousands!
When visiting make yourself known to be a Tenpasenta member and our vicar's will let you do some unpaid jobs about the place, this work could hasten your transit to the afterlife if you happen to be elderly or ill, this is a truly great bonus if you're fed up with life, we have a special name for this kind of volunteer, "Mad".